Like getting lost in the plot of a dream or completely immersed by the pictures of a movie only to be snapped back to reality when the alarm goes off, or a sneeze in the audience, such is the pretend world of Neal, who dared to dream of a Church free of discrimination and judgment and full of love, support, truly mutual respect and open arms, only to return to a reality where much work is needed to be done in order to achieve that dream.
At the time it was a very practical solution to a problem I had been wrestling with for years. How do I speak up for LGBT rights, my own rights, while being called to a Church that denies them? I created a character named Neal. Although I never thought people would actually refer to me as Neal, but more on that later. Neal was more than just an imaginary friend; he could dive into things I couldn’t touch; he could speak to people I was scared to speak to; he could think about things I didn’t want to think about. Neal challenged me from his very creation to kill him. Only in Neal’s death could I finally realize what life was like on the other side. After two and a quarter years of long, thoughtful and purposeful deliberations and arduous chronicling the moment has arrived.
I thought surely there would be a guessing game as to who I was, but there wasn’t. (And to my surprise no one ever asked either…) Then sometime in late 2011 it clicked. People personalized my ramblings. Suddenly I wasn’t anonymous. I was Neal. Light bulb! The message was interconnected to the messenger. In order for me to make any progress I would have to switch gears. I started maneuvering myself in November of 2011 for this very post. It took another year, but here we are. I’d like you to meet the real ‘Neal’.
My name is Ty McCarthy. I grew up in Kansas City. (The Kansas side for those wondering). I was raised Nazarene and grew up attending Olathe College Church of the Nazarene. I moved to Oklahoma City and graduated from Southern Nazarene with a degree in Theology and Ministry. I stuck around Oklahoma and got my Master’s degree from the University of Oklahoma in Norman. I attend Bethany First Church of the Nazarene where I’m currently a member. When not working downtown, I enjoy watching Doctor Who or exploring a new part of ‘The City’ on my bike. Someday, I want to go to the Olympics, and maybe visit every Olympic city. (Anything else you want to know you can ask, I’m going to stop here, otherwise this will look like a OkCupid profile.)
This has been really difficult to write, partly because I don’t want it to come off as too vain or self promoting (because I don’t), but mostly because I never thought I would tell anyone this in my whole life: I’m gay. But there is power in a name, a face, a relationship. I’m not some abstract concept or someone from outside the church. I’m very real, and very much Nazarene.
Looking back, it seems like a lifetime ago, since I sat on my hide-a-bed in my living room and began to type. I have been honored to hear your stories. I wanted to create a place where Allies could connect with Allies, where people can find support and love and know they aren’t alone. I did this because love this Church. I do this for the Church that raised me and saved me. It is not done with malice, revenge, or schism, but it was done out of love and respect.
My story is filled with imperfections and missed opportunities, but I hope you catch a glimpse of where I’m headed and the person I’m hoping to become. It is my hope that Nazarene Ally opens the doors to enable us as a Church to build more bridges with a people group we’ve long mistreated and ignored. This won’t happen overnight, and it won’t be easy. I am naïve enough to picture a Church where issues of sexuality and gender identity are a thing of the past. It is only possible if we all work together, keeping our eyes fixed on the Gospel: The Gospel, which is Jesus. When we truly love God, we can truly love others. What else matters? Together, the body of Christ can move forward. Together, we can do better.
To my friends and family that may have found out through Facebook or by any means other than me, I apologize for any grievance or hurt find out this way has caused you. I hope you can forgive me. This is not how I wanted you to find out, I wish you had heard it from me. This has been one heck of a year, and I’m so thankful to my friends for sticking by me as I began my coming-out journey. I would not have made it this far without them. I am so blessed, and I am lucky I have them for support. I will continue my story here: www.tymccarthy.com as Nazarene Ally can now grow into something greater than just my story. It can be a place for all of our stories.
My name is Tyler. I’m Nazarene, and I’m gay, and I’m not alone.